Life is Too Short

You never really realize how short time can be.  Not until the stop watch starts ticking for you. Watching strangers pass by on the street.  Some smiling, while others frown down at their own feet. Sometimes I stand back and wonder whats going on in the minds of others as they pass by in their own little worlds.

Sitting in the Doctors office patiently waiting and calmly listening for her speech to end.  We have sat here in this room together many times over the years talking of options and opinions.  My mind wonders back to the first time I met my Doctor.  My son was two years old then and I had an annual appointment to undergo.  While I was pregnant with my son he shared space in me with a few tumors.  In the ultra sounds he appeared to be cuddled up with them hugging the like pillows.  No one worried about them back then but two years later they had doubled in size.

Even though my son was my 40th birthday present the insurance company considered me way to young to have a hysterectomy.  So for four and a half years I endured cancer testing with blood work, internal pelvic scans and biopsies.  As the hands on the clock turn like they always do I began to feel my age.  Not wanting to work out, not wanting to run or even walk.  I even gave up eating healthy.  Getting up in the morning was a chore and coming home to sweat pants and t-shirts a pleasure.  Problem number one, my son is always getting older too.  He wants to wrestle, jump in mud puddles, run and play.  Time to look in the mirror and face facts. STOP THE MADNESS!!

It wasn’t a hard decision if I can’t pull it all out then I’ll  have it scrapped out.  Sign me up for a scraping and oblation. Then I’ll feel better enough to get back into the gym.  That is exactly what i was able to do. Worked enough overtime the year before to hire a fat doctor. In eight months I lost the weight of my seven year old son and it felt good.  We ran the track together after I was done work and played all kinds of fun games climbing trees, building our own water parks and the everyday rough housing of a seven year old boy.   then all of a sudden it hit me like a ton of bricks.  First back pain, then belly pain, then the bleeding came back harder than before.  It not only came back but with a nasty vengeance making every month turn on to a crime scene.

The regular doctors told me to keep going to the gym and loose more weight.  He still considered me obese.  I was almost lifting over one hundred pounds with my arms and legs.  Then that was way to much working out at the gym and I was told to slow down that stressing out the muscles is just as bad as not working out at all.  Every person will tell you to eat something different  that what you are doings wrong or just plain bad move on the health scale.  I tried it all, apple cider vinegar, the all meat diet, the all green diet, eat everything just in moderation diet.  They don’t tell you the portion control is for teenagers with eating disorders after puberty.  My son became conffused and only wanted to eat at fast food resuraunts. Not good for either one of us in any way.

My place of employment wasn’t helping much either.  I always talk about the seventeen hour days especially now since I have a support system that would ratgher have me at home then MIA for a whole week.  They got aggtated with allthe doctor appointments and complaints of pain.  They didn’t want hear how standing on my feet for seventeen hours hurt and the broken chairs they refuse to replace messed with the pain in my back.  First i was asked for appoinments so they would be aware of the times i could work.  Then it wasn’t believed that I had all those appointments so they wanted notes from the office that i was there.  Then that wasn’t enough so I began to bring in reciepts of payment especially when physical therapy was added to the schedule.

Then other problems started to rise up from the pile of pain.  Couldn’t sleep well, dreams of face offs with differnt supervisours.  Role playing in my head so if the comfortation presented itself I would be ready.  Years of normal blood presure started to act up again.  I was so worried about what other though or how they laughed at me, it began to control my life.  I was misearble on top of everything else.

Now I sit here and listen deafly until one word snaps me out of the information haze.  Cancer.  In less then a year the tumors are back and bigger then the ones we removed.  Do you want them tested? You also have a condition called  adenomyosis which occurs when your uterine lining grows into the wall of the uterus, and pelvic prolapse.

My mind swirls as I weigh out the prose and cons of what I’m going to do.  I decide on the hysterectomy. I’ll talk it over with my husband of course. Surgery of the common kind will get me the summer and part of fall months off.  No more people laughing, getting into my business and spreading it with;ittle extra salt and pepper for taste, no more people treating me like a liar and God willing when all is said and done I’ll have a totally different job in another department to return to. Maybe this is my window for change and my husband agrees.  Then the news just gets better. I can’t have this surgery that could my social issues, there are to many complications.  Now I learn something new.

TheDa Vinci Surgery,  A specialist in robotic surgery is acquired and he pushes things along.  Now I’m scheduled for this precise surgery that will solve my medical problems and increase my healing time.  I thank God for giving man kind the intelligence to solve some of our medical problems and dumping this awesome medical team into my lap.  Now a new count down begins as I pack a bag and prepare to take a few weeks off.

Now if only the other problems could find a way to evaporate like the morning dew making all life more enjoyable.  No pain and no stress, that would be to close to a perfect world.