The Big Day

My final countdown began 2 weeks before the big day and all the crazy was coming to a head. Every worry became a serious thought and then ever thought became a nightmare.  By the time the wedding got here it is a wonder that I didn’t lose my mind and call off the whole darn thing.  Never in my life would I admit to a soul that I had some doubts and they where all about me.

The spiritualist we choose to perform the wedding stopped by to discuss what he wanted done to the are of land that needed blessings.  I was suffering through a mandatory that night so there for the conversation is second hand information but non the less disturbing.  The kind and gentle man was some what confused of my heritage.  He was informed by my mother that my real father was a white man that lived near the Jersey shore and not the Native American man that I claimed.  My betrothed laughed a hearty laugh and ashore him my father lives across the street from us and was indeed invited to the celebration. The spiritualist left jolly as alway, or so I was told, I’m sure he had questions about me and my mother.

It defiantly had me asking questions about the past and every other childhood mystery leading up and into todays world.  I was always told my father cheated on my mother a lot.  She in turn just walked away with the clothes on our backs.  My memories from back. then are in short snap movies.  I can remember lying on the floor and rolling off of a crochet blanket on to some nasty green shag carpet. To this day I hate shag carpet! That was the first house and people where totally amazed when the rooms, mostly mine and the livening room where described so vividly. My next description was of an apartment complex.  I was three then and that life experience was short lived.  The rooms where small and most of the people my mother met where not nice.  Then the little country town of Delmont NJ.  I turned four years old when we moved there and thats when the white man became my step father.  We lived there until I was sixteen. Not sure why this is important other then I almost sent that man an invitation to my big day.  Yes, it would have been out of spite.

Every time I turned around a mandatory was awaiting.  Younger co-workers always having a reason not to stay always kept me cycled to the top of the list.  Employing my cousin to handle all the things I didn’t have time for was indeed a  good move.  She designed the decorations, wedding cake and all the little things that made the day special.  She totally loved the idea that my day was a fantasy day programmed in my head for as long as I could remember.  As the day came closer that made me nervous as well..  Again my mother.  That part of the family is not high on my mothers favor list and I wasn’t to sure how she would handle seeing them at the wedding.

 

My maid of honor, a high school friend was planning to drive hours away just to be in my wedding.  This filled me with great joy. She had stayed with me for a few weeks the

year before and me being the undying loner was happy when she landed her own place and became independent again.  She still took care of my son and we had female bonding fun time.  When she fell in love with her boo and moved away.  I missed her immensely.  I really did enjoy the company and late night talks.  Every one needs to talk every now and then.  I had so much I wanted to say to her and was extremely elated when she said she was coming home for me.  Then it hit me, of all my friends my mother doesn’t like her a bit.  Only two of my friends have had the wrath of my mother laid upon them. The first one speaks to me but really doesn’t have the time for me and now my maid of honor will be enemy number one in her sights. Ohh boy

 

I never felt so loved in my whole entire life as people from all over the the southern side of the U.S. said the would attend our little shing dig.  Which by far was growing into something huge. The introvert in me was screaming out with mad hysteria and the adventurist was jumping for joy.  Everything was coming together, the invitations showed up and where mailed out.  Some people asked for a invite as a keep sake.  That made me giddy.  Never had I felt such positive energy.

The last free single day for my man and me was a Friday and thats when my cousin came over to decorate.  She turned the back yard into a flower garden with huge butterflies gliding around.  Yes, the where fake but in my imagination the where alive and could fly away with any and all misgivings.  My paradise, soul calming place to regenerate after a bad day in the outside world would soon be invaded by family and friends that would celebrate our union together. Making my paradise even more special for me. A Buzz rule is this place is the neutral spot and everyone gets along here. Therefore  I vowed to meditate and pray about my mothers new negativity and all will go well.  Soon time would tell.

As my nerves of steel started to unravel so did I.  The girl did not show to style my hair.  The wedding planner / cousin thinks fast on her feet. She called her daughter and asked if she could squeeze me in.  Her daughter is a hairstylist and one of the best in this area.  She has gotten so good that you must make an appointment to see her.  I’m so filled with dreamy air I don’t keep appointments.  I used to see her every week now I’m lucky to see her in passing.  She took me in between customers I just had to wash and dry my hair and she would do the rest.  As always she did an awesome job.

I get home with a haze of smoking tires behind me.  Thank God the cops around here are never around when I’m late.  The wind has picked up and has blown some of the table decorations down.  My maid of honor isn’t here yet and I wonder to myself is this when the dream ends. I wake up in a moment of Broken dreams that are scattered by the wind to the four corners of the world.  Then people start showing up and wondering why I’m not dressed yet.  Neither is my Groom.  He is in his world cleaning this and checking that.   Not a worry in the world.  That is him, Mr. Laid back because it all comes together in the end.  He stabilizes me and I breath and it is good.  My maid of honor pulls in and now it is time to get dressed.

 

We wiggle into dresses with a non stop chatter of everything missed since the last time we spoke.  Love and excitement spike the air around of as we describe are betrothed as make up is perfectly applied to our faces.  A cousin comes in to the room with photographer in tow and begins to help me with my gloves while threatening him not to take any pictures of her.  He doesn’t listen well and captures all the activity in the room.  My cousin states the people are hungry and when is things going to start moving along.  I’m ready, the flower girl is here looking extra adorable and the ring bearer is in the living room practicing holding the pillows with the rings on them.  Ahh the husband to be is in the trenches cooking and not getting ready.  Calming his nerves with work I’m sure. The door opens and closes, the bathroom door bangs shut and the sound of running water.  There he is and I have his clothes in the bedroom with me.  The room breaks out in laughter and with eyes closed  someone puts his clothes in there with him on the dressing table.  Life will be good.

 

A few minutes later the water has stopped and he is dressing while walking out the door.  Only a man can get away with that. My posse regroups in the kitchen and we hear the change in music.  The kitchen door swings open and I walk through I see the God son to my maid of honor and his date.  Their eyes went wide with happy little lights dancing in them. I almost started to cry but then I heard someone say beautiful and my back went straight. Then I smiled instead feeling better then any other time in my life.  The camera’s went wild while people murmured and gasped at my crew and myself.  I knew my best girl was in pain as she struggled to walk and stand still for pictures but her smile was genuine and she glowed in the May sunshine. I thanked God for her presence and prayed for some relief.

 

The sacred circle was ready and blessed the smoke blew in circles through the air and it had a sweet smell to it.  I watched as my soon to be son finished preparing the fire and tobacco for all the people that needed to offer it as they prayed for us.   I stood still and watched all the friends and family that would soon be mine offer their prayers for a long, healthy and strong marriage for us.  My heart filled with joy then sadness when I realized my family wasn’t present.  The man chosen to give me away if my real father did not show wasn’t there either.  Breathing deep and trying to maintain my calm.  Deciding to break another rule and give myself away.  Then I hear the spiritualist preacher  ask who was going to give me away. Trying to be strong I answer me and stare at him eye to eye.  He responds, this is the one rule you can not break.

My mind reeled in fifty different directions and my heart pounded in my ears.  This was it! My day would be ruined and it was my fault.  The tears started to build behind the eye sockets when I heard a squeaky voice whisper out.  The man in the blue shirt.  Was that my voice I wondered as I searched the faces on all those people I didn’t know and the few I had just recently met. I locked eyes with the youngest son of the man I so desperately wanted to marry.  He stared back with determination and mouthed the word, Who? A deep breath and out came the name of a co-worker.  I guess you could say he is like a brother, we had times of laughter, crying, and anger. There was always respect and always forgiveness.  Maybe even love in a family kinda way.

 

The look on his face was priceless as his eyes grew wide and his mouth fell open.  His face turned four shades of red when everyone started clapping for him and he took his place next to my side.  I looked at my soon to be husband and we both smiled.  The calm flooding into my soul would be instilled there permanently from this day forward.

The rest was a blur.  We inhaled the sacred smoke that cleansed our hearts and soul.  We received blessings from the great provider.  We both got palm pricks and hands tied together making our blood mingle and binding us together forever as one.  We where introduced to the world as husband and wife then I was welcomed in to my new family.

This day, our day was beautiful. The skies where blue and the breeze kept the heat down until night.  A sprinkle of rain here and there are generations past with kisses and blessing to bestow.  We all met new people and mingled, laughed and had a great time.  The fake flowers and butterflies attracted real butterflies well in to the next day.  My dreams have come true and may the fairytales never end.